Questions for the Survivors
by Richard Fernandez
Summary: Answer all your burning questions. Will never end, and you can always submit questions, and I will try to answer most of them! My first FANFIC! So Happy. Slighly RochelleXZoey
1. Chapter 1

(Lights rise and a crowd cheers. A tall, slightly chubby man walks onto the stage with the 8 survivors.)

Richard: Hello! Welcome all you Left 4 Dead fans!

(Crowd quiets and 9 chairs are brought on stage. All sit.)

Richard: I am your host this evening. My name is Richard.

Louis: And I'm Louis Bennett! Pleased to meet the crowd!

Bill: Shut up, son. This isn't your part of the show!

Louis: (Stands) This is an outrage! You're racist, aren't you? This is bull shit!

Rochelle: (Puts her hand on his shoulder) Do you really need to start now?

Bill: Yeah!

Louis: Shut up Bill. (Looks at Rochelle) Yes, now. People have questions for me!

Nick: You self-centered son of a bitch. (Gets out of his chair.) They have questions for all of us.

Louis: Ok, ok, fine, all of us.

Ellis: I don't really care. I came for the buffet!

Francis: BUFFET? WHERE?

Ellis: Backstage, Francis! There's a Taco Bar and-

Francis: TACOS? BAR? WHY WASN'T I TOLD ABOUT THIS?

Zoey: So you would do the interview.

Coach: I DIDDN'T KNOW EITHER! I WANT TACOS!

Rochelle: Ok, Coach. You'll get your taco's.

Bill: I want steak. Nicely seared and medium rare. With some nice watercress salad and-

Richard: All of you shut up! You'll get your tacos in a min- wait. TACO BAR? WHERE?

Zoey: Backstage.

Richard: (Stands and signals a cut) That's all the time we have, but you can send the survivors question.

Bill: Send your questions to the review box. Remember that now.

Zoey: Bye bye.

Coach: Shut up Zoey.

(Lights dim and Zoey hits Coach with a hammer)


	2. Chapter 2

(Lights rise and the cast is back in their seats. Coach has a black eye.)

Richard: Hello! Welcome back to our show, where we-

Ellis: They already heard this!

Richard: Ok, ok. Well so far, 3 questions are in.

Zoey: OOOOH! I can't wait!

(A small man walks on stage with three envelopes.)

Ingot: H-here sir.

Richard: Thank you Ingot.

(Opens the first envelope.)

Richard: The first is from: Right 2 Live!

_Yayz first question!_

_How long does the entire game about take course? We talkin' hours? Days? Weeks? _

Francis: Well, in No Mercy, it was a little over 5 hours.

Bill: And in Crash course, I'll say 3 hours.

Zoey: Death Toll and Dead Air took about maybe 6 hours each! So many memories.

Louis: And for Blood Harvest, let's say about 4 hours.

Francis: Since The Sacrifice and The Passing happened an hour apart, the whole thing took 9 hours.

Ellis: Dead Center was about 2 hours. And Dark Carnival was 4 maybe.

(Nick sighs.)

Rochelle: Oh, Swamp Fever was about 11 hours, because we needed to sleep.

Coach: That rainin' thunderin' one-

Nick: You mean Hard Rain?

Coach: Yeah! That one! That was about 4 hours.

Nick: And The Parish, geez, maybe 3 hours?

Ellis: An' the Cold Stream one? That one is easily 2 and a half-

Zoey: Men?

Ellis: No. Hours, Zoey.

Zoey: Oh…

Richard: So…

Francis: Let's say from No Mercy to The Parish, it's was just about, 12 days. The extra 2 came from our days at Millhaven. Damn Ceda. Damn Army. I hate 'em both!

Richard: Speaking of things you hate, let's go to our next question. From Star88303:

_A question for Francis, You used to hate everything. But what do you think of Zoey? Do you hate her?_

Zoey: Yeah?

Francis: Well, I- It's hard to explain. I like her, but not so much as a lover.

Ellis: Uh… dude. That wasn't the question.

(Francis stands dumbstruck.)

Francis: Oh.

Richard: And our last question. From Francis-kiana Jones

_Nick, do you like anyone? Or are you like Francis, with a hatred of everything?_

Nick: Well… I actually came to like these guys.

Louis: Hah! You said came!

Nick: Hah! You're a pervert!

(Louis looks away, hurt.)

Nick: Anyways, I enjoy their company, and I actually like Rochelle the most.

Coach: Oh. Someone is lovin' on someone else!

Nick: Thanks Barry White!

Richard: Ok. Now a question from me!

_What are you're guys favorite celebs?_

Nick: I love Katy Perry to death! She is so hot!

Ellis: Oh, it's Ox from the Midnight Riders!

Coach: Me too! Yes!

Zoey: I think Johnny Depp is so handsome.

Bill: Sean Connery. Total and no horseshit.

Francis: Um, I think Jack Daniels is pretty cool.

Bill: Son, that is liquor.

Francis: Famous liquor.

Rochelle: BEYONCE' IS SOOOO PRETTY!

Louis: I truly think Johnny Cage is my favorite.

Francis and Nick: Wow.

Zoey: That is a video game character.

Louis: Well, he's my favorite!

Richard: Fine. Don't choose your host. That's all the time we have. See you next time.

Coach: …Are there still tacos?

(Lights fade on Louis yelling at Zoey.)


	3. Chapter 3

(Lights rise and sleepy survivors are sprawled out on a couch)

(Zoey is asleep on the floor)

(Coach is holding a teddy bear)

Coach: …um…no…cheeseburger mine…

(Rochelle is leaning on the couch)

(Richard is slightly snoring)

(Francis is looking around, angry with a whiskey bottle in one hand and reviews in another)

Francis: GIT YER ASSES UP!

(Zoey wakes up and pulls her handgun out)

Zoey: Where are they? The zombies.

Richard: Wha…what you wake me up for. I…was with Pamela.

Louis: ANDERSON?

(Francis takes another drink of whiskey and stands)

Francis: We have more reviews.

Richard: Read em' for me, yeah?

Francis: No.

Richard: I'm sleepy though.

(Francis throws the papers at Richard)

Francis: I don't give a flyin' shit!

Richard: Fine. (Gets up) Ok.

Nick: Oh boy…what we got now?

Richard: Ok, this is from Apocalypse Survivor:

_Yay you're going to answer my questions or I'll go to your houses and slaughter your adopted families!_

_Anyway, I've always wondered: How do your medkits automatically regenerate your health? Normally, it would take a few weeks at the least for your intestines to stay inside after, say, a Hunter mauling._

Richard: Wow. Slaughter our adopted families. Hardcore.

Bill: Generally, what happens is that, even though we are immune-

Ellis: We have some superpowers, or some shit like that. We regenerate faster than the average human. Normal survivors have to hide. Immune survivors are great. We heal like vampires and shit like that. I mean, what about swallowing pills whole? A whole bottle would kill someone, you know. Like it bein' your last headache.

Richard: Wow. Great insight on the super survivor.

Ellis: Zoey told me to say that.

Richard: Next, we have naboo2.

_Ok, here's my question: Zoey, do you love Ellis? Or is Bill more of your type?_

Zoey: Neither. I actually like Nick, Francis, and Rochelle.

Louis: So…you…-

Coach: …Is a bi-sexual?

Zoey: Kinda. I mean, a woman can have a very strong relationship with another woman, because we understand eachother better than anyone else.

Rochelle: You…want me?

Francis: You know what…I don't hate this.

Nick: I hate to burst your bubble, but I not only am not attracted to either of you, I think you should see Two Girls One Cup.

(Ellis flies across the stage)

Ellis: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (Ellis tackles Nick)

Nick: Awww, what the hell did I do?

Ellis: YOU SPOKE OF THE FORBIDDEN VIDEO!

Nick:…Sorry.

Richard: To avoid the lasting awkwardness, here is a review from Anna-Selene-Darkness.

_hm... What are they going to do without zombies?_

Francis: PARTY AND DRINK! DO WHATEVER THE HELL WE WANT, WHEN WE WANT! ALL THE TIME!

Nick: I like where you're going bro.

Coach: Unlimited Hambugurs. All the onion an' pepper we want.

Zoey: Watch movies. Play some games.

Coach: Football?

Zoey: No Coach. I meant video games. Like Call of Duty.

Louis: Counter Strike!

Rochelle: I would do the news. And be Anchorwoman.

Ellis: Well, first I'd find a car. Then I would gas it up. An' then I would travel across the United States.

Richard: Very cool everyone. (Stops to think) Hey, you guys.

(Group looks to Richard)

Richard: What you guys doing for Christmas? I wanna know.

Ellis: I am watching some old school VHS tapes with Coach and Bill.

Bill: It would be fun, since I'm dead anyways.

Coach: I'll find some Westerns.

Nick: Gonna gamble with Lou.

Louis: An I'm a win big!

Zoey: I was going to have a four way with Francis, Rochelle, and Nick…but he isn't attracted to me.

(Zoey turns to Rochelle and Francis)

Zoey: It's just us.

Francis: That ROCKS!

Rochelle: Honey, I experimented in college, and you are gonna like what you get.

Nick: Wait, I'll join!

Francis: Sorry Suit! You is left out. Better luck next time.

Zoey: Let's go.

(Francis, Rochelle, and Zoey walk of stage)

Nick: I should have kept my mouth shut.

Richard: Well, that's all the time we have, but keep sending reviews! You can visit my Facebook and message me Questions! Friend me first, then ask questions. I am Richard Fernandez on Facebook.

(Bill gets up in a Santa suit)

Bill: Merry Christmas everyone!

(Lights fade on Bill flying away in a sleigh pilled by Chargers)


End file.
